Friday, November 7, 2014

Im ugly

I'm ugly today

C got shots two days ago which i fully believe in but ever since it's been world war 3 in this house. On top of that she has a cold. Poor girl is the most miserable being on the face of this earth. In return she has passed that mood onto me and not only am i tired and miserable, I am uglier than ever.

As if I didn't think I was attractive before pregnancy and motherhood I certainly haven't been feeling up to par these past 15 months. Lets start with the disgusting stretch marks that linger as a constant reminder you will never wear a bikini anymore. I have them so bad on my thighs. THIGHS!!! wtf?? I've never even heard of that! I mean everyone gets them on their stomach but of course I would be the one to get them on my thighs so I can surely never wear short shorts again (like I ever would). Alas I am cursed to wear mom pants the rest of my life because of these disgusting ugly marks on my body.

Check out my hair lately? on the rare occasion it's shampooed it is even more rarely blow dried and styled. You are better off not mentioning anything because I am already aware of the train wreck I have become. My 15 month old stylist has all the new and latest styles for hair these days and most of them involve pulling, ripping and teasing it until it's one ratty disgusting ugly mess that is better off getting shaved.

Wanna hear about my boobs? Too bad you have to anyway! before I had a baby I was perfectly content with my small b cup little adorable boobs. When I got pregnant they blew up into huge porn star D boobs yet remained perky and wonderful. Friends even commented they couldn't believe how big they had gotten it was like a christmas miracle! I'm not gonna lie i was loving the attention.... Well fast forward a year later and after 10 months of a baby sucking them dry they are now saggy, flat, floppy, wait for it...... MOM BOOBS!!! I have mom boobs now and i cannot stress enough how ugly they are now.

What is going on with my nose? Pretty much all last winter it was dripping, crusty, red, and sore. I'm so sick of being sick! It's so annoying. I knew when I sent my child to daycare i would have to deal with various ailments but the whole winter is a little ridiculous and I didn't think I would catch everything as well! Seriously it got to the point people at work were just used to the tissues everywhere and the new Rudolph look that seemed to linger for months. I even think one week I went in healthy and it was the big news of the day! My face is so ugly all the time with a tissue usually attached to it.

How about my attitude? it's so rollercoastery (yes I made that word up live with it) lately that I don't know how Mike even deals with it. No wonder men don't understand women! I don't even understand myself lately. Days like today are so frustrating. I know my baby is moody and miserable because she doesn't feel well so I want to comfort her and soothe her but when she is just screaming for hours I also want to lock her in a room and walk away. I go from extreme nurturer to extreme sociopath in a matter of minutes. Add a male into the equation and the monster emerges! I can't begin to tell you the ugly things that my moods do to me on any given days. It's crazy!

So Yes I am extremely ugly today! I took a 5 minute shower in between tantrums, Shaved one leg, filled the garbage with dirty tissues, haven't combed my hair in a hot minute, am moody and wearing the hottest sweats you could ever imagine. Who the fuck cares?? So what? I have the greatest thing any hot women couldn't dream of having. I have a miserable little whiny girl. I have a snuggly sick little peanut. I have Charlotte. She makes me feel beautiful (I know cheesy) She reminds me everyday what has come of the stretch marks and saggy boobs. She reminds me that I'm not the only sick one all the time and that mama is always the best medicine. She reminds me that no matter how bad a day I am having it is still the greatest day of all because she is in it, she is mine... and will be forever