Friday, November 7, 2014

Im ugly

I'm ugly today

C got shots two days ago which i fully believe in but ever since it's been world war 3 in this house. On top of that she has a cold. Poor girl is the most miserable being on the face of this earth. In return she has passed that mood onto me and not only am i tired and miserable, I am uglier than ever.

As if I didn't think I was attractive before pregnancy and motherhood I certainly haven't been feeling up to par these past 15 months. Lets start with the disgusting stretch marks that linger as a constant reminder you will never wear a bikini anymore. I have them so bad on my thighs. THIGHS!!! wtf?? I've never even heard of that! I mean everyone gets them on their stomach but of course I would be the one to get them on my thighs so I can surely never wear short shorts again (like I ever would). Alas I am cursed to wear mom pants the rest of my life because of these disgusting ugly marks on my body.

Check out my hair lately? on the rare occasion it's shampooed it is even more rarely blow dried and styled. You are better off not mentioning anything because I am already aware of the train wreck I have become. My 15 month old stylist has all the new and latest styles for hair these days and most of them involve pulling, ripping and teasing it until it's one ratty disgusting ugly mess that is better off getting shaved.

Wanna hear about my boobs? Too bad you have to anyway! before I had a baby I was perfectly content with my small b cup little adorable boobs. When I got pregnant they blew up into huge porn star D boobs yet remained perky and wonderful. Friends even commented they couldn't believe how big they had gotten it was like a christmas miracle! I'm not gonna lie i was loving the attention.... Well fast forward a year later and after 10 months of a baby sucking them dry they are now saggy, flat, floppy, wait for it...... MOM BOOBS!!! I have mom boobs now and i cannot stress enough how ugly they are now.

What is going on with my nose? Pretty much all last winter it was dripping, crusty, red, and sore. I'm so sick of being sick! It's so annoying. I knew when I sent my child to daycare i would have to deal with various ailments but the whole winter is a little ridiculous and I didn't think I would catch everything as well! Seriously it got to the point people at work were just used to the tissues everywhere and the new Rudolph look that seemed to linger for months. I even think one week I went in healthy and it was the big news of the day! My face is so ugly all the time with a tissue usually attached to it.

How about my attitude? it's so rollercoastery (yes I made that word up live with it) lately that I don't know how Mike even deals with it. No wonder men don't understand women! I don't even understand myself lately. Days like today are so frustrating. I know my baby is moody and miserable because she doesn't feel well so I want to comfort her and soothe her but when she is just screaming for hours I also want to lock her in a room and walk away. I go from extreme nurturer to extreme sociopath in a matter of minutes. Add a male into the equation and the monster emerges! I can't begin to tell you the ugly things that my moods do to me on any given days. It's crazy!

So Yes I am extremely ugly today! I took a 5 minute shower in between tantrums, Shaved one leg, filled the garbage with dirty tissues, haven't combed my hair in a hot minute, am moody and wearing the hottest sweats you could ever imagine. Who the fuck cares?? So what? I have the greatest thing any hot women couldn't dream of having. I have a miserable little whiny girl. I have a snuggly sick little peanut. I have Charlotte. She makes me feel beautiful (I know cheesy) She reminds me everyday what has come of the stretch marks and saggy boobs. She reminds me that I'm not the only sick one all the time and that mama is always the best medicine. She reminds me that no matter how bad a day I am having it is still the greatest day of all because she is in it, she is mine... and will be forever

Friday, October 31, 2014

Am I hurting my child with her food?

So I read an article in Slate that argued organic food for kids is a waste of money. The piece offers a great look at some of the science behind pesticide levels in fruits and veggies, and the conclusion is that parents shouldn’t worry about whether to buy organic or conventional fruits and veggies — we should just buy more of them.
Unsurprisingly this article lands smack middle in a huge debate that seems to have no end. On one side you have the rich snobs who feel vindicated when they purchase pricey organic foods for their elite private school educated child. And on the other side you have parents like me who are afraid to purchase foods laced with pesticides but unable to afford everything organic. 

The article makes some compelling points that are well worth considering: Organic food contains pesticides, too. Washing fruits and veggies can reduce the pesticide load substantially. And most definitely, conventionally grown fruits and veggies are way better than none at all. Also I read in a different article from the Huffington post that the pesticides used in organic foods are made from all natural ingredients that break down easier... so even so if thats the case it still has to be better right? or is a pesticide still a pesticide? Ugh I'm so confused! 

WTF is a pesticide anyway? What does it do? Am i slowly killing my child by giving her foods laced with them? Will I slow her brain development or cause her to get autism? You may laugh at these statements but they are very valid questions we just can't seem to have answers for. So science doesn’t tell us what these pesticides are actually doing in young kids’ bodies and brains. Maybe at such low levels they are completely harmless. But it’s possible that at even low levels, these molecules can have subtle effects that animal studies couldn’t possibly detect. The fact is that some pesticides — at some debatable level — are getting into kids’ bodies from food. 

So yes, feeding your kids a strict organic diet will lower their pesticide load, this study suggests. And feeding your kids conventional fruits and veggies will create a pesticide load that’s way lower than the EPA’s best guess about the amount that can cause harm. But the truth is that no one really knows how these compounds behave in a growing body. Such studies almost impossible to do. As someone who needs to feed a kid, I do what I can when I can. Baby C usually  eats conventionally grown food. I wash her food well. And I realize that like anything having to do with how to raise a baby, I’m working with imperfect information and try not to let it faze me. There’s a lot we don’t know. 

Thursday, July 31, 2014

I want to rememeber the bad

As Charley is nearing in on a year a flood of emotions sweeps over me. I cannot believe she has been on this earth for a whole year! I feel like I was just taking the 5 pregnancy tests to make sure I was for sure pregnant. I feel like I was just waddling around in 100 degree weather praying for her to make an exit. I feel like I was just in the hospital getting my first glimpse of the most beautiful thing in the world, kissing her eyes and lips and not believing she was actually mine to keep. I feel like it was just the other day that she rolled over, sat up, ate solids, and stood on her own.

How is it seriously possible that my little tiny baby is almost a year old Toddler? How will I ever remember this past year when so much is happening. Heck I haven't even had time to blog about our adventures. It seems like life is so good but I want to remember the bad.

I want to remember waking up 3 times a night, being entirely exhausted and thinking you cant do it anymore. I am so glad this phase is over but I want to remember how much my little girl depended on me for comfort, food, and love. As she is growing into her own independent self and feeding herself,  I long for the days where I nursed her to sleep or held her bottle because she was to little. Though it seemed like those 10 months of waking multiple times a night would be my breaking point and the shittiest time of my life, it was a special time for us.We were always happy to be together even if we were the only ones up at 3am. I will miss those sweet smiles.

I want to remember the crying. As I have evolved as a mother i have learned to communicate with my non verbal baby. I have learned what cry means she is tired, hungry, or in pain. Though we can't talk to each other yet I have learned for the most part how to tell what my baby wants. In the beginning there were times I was at my wits end because I had tried everything and I still had no idea why she was crying. (Seriously baby WTF do you want???). Though these days seem so far in the past I want to remember my little baby crying her newborn cry and thinking we were helpless in the situation.

I want to remember the sicknesses. Though every mother's worst fear is for their child to get sick it is inevitable. It will happen and it will be more than once. I want to remember the first time she got a cold and how scared/worried I was. Taking her to the pediatrician and having them tell me there was nothing I could do was the dumbest thing at the time so I had thought. When she came down with Hand Foot and Mouth disease and had sores/blisters all over her body I want to remember the sadness that i felt and how i wish I could have taken away all her pain. I want to remember her sick snuggles and lying int he rocking chair for a whole day because she didn't want to do anything else.

I want to remember the poop. Whether it's the times she went in the bathtub (somehow this only happens with I bathe her) or the times she exploded out of her diaper often times presenting a war zone of liquid shit all over my leg. This seems to happen when you least want it to. After a long ass day at work, or when you are stuck with a mess and no one around to help you. Everyone poops and sometimes it's just fucking disgusting.

I want to remember my lack of life. Before I became a mother it was possible to lay on the couch all day if i felt like it, or take daily naps. Laundry was never an issue and always done. I never had to worry about what's for dinner because I could live off of cereal and expired milk. I loved going out for a drink on the weekends and seeing a movie whenever I wanted to. Those days are gone forever! Now my saturday evenings are spent reading 5 little monkeys to a girl who would rather rip the book out of my arms and eat it. Bed time is at 9 pm because thats when exhaustion sets in from the days events. The last movie I saw?? No idea. 

It's easy to remember the good, I mean that's where memories are made! Whenever anyone talks about their baby you usually only hear the good and while that is all fine and dandy, people want to know that you are struggling too. It's ok to mention the lousiness. Not every moment with a beautiful baby is perfect and it never will be. There will be bad times and there will be good. I want to remember the bad because unlike most people I look at it like a challenge and obstacle that I have overcome. Each bump that I pass means I have done something right once again. We don't appreciate what we have nearly as much if everything is candy and roses. Life throws us some bad to keep us on our toes and to let us know that although you appear to be doing great, it's ok to admit you are having a "Shitty" day 


There Ashley this was written quickly for you! sorry it's all over the place :)

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Slow down please?

Babies grow too fast!!

It's the common cliche you will hear all too many times when you are pregnant and it will go in one ear and out the other. The truth of the matter is, all of those people are right! Just yesterday I gave birth I swear!

Nope! That was almost 9 months ago! I'm starting to plan a 1 yr old birthday party already! how is that even possible? My teenie tiny girl is pushing 20 pounds now and has the wonderful inherited thunder thighs. Just yesterday she was wearing newborn clothes and swimming in anything larger. Now she fits comfortably in 12 month clothes!

Seriously stop growing!

I know as statistical averages go, most babies double their birth weight by 5 months and triple it by a year and I just think that's amazing. I mean could you imagine doubling your current weight in 5 months? its Insane!

And it's not even the size that grows so impressively, it's a babies intellect, and motor skills. I mean in a matter of a few months a baby turns into a blob that cries and poops, to something that can walk and talk. Just the other day I had Char in her highchair and she was playing with her bottle. All of a sudden she threw her head back and starting drinking it on her own! WTF! I didn't know she could do that! You mean I won't have to feed her anymore?? You mean she doesn't need me for that anymore?? :( Stop it!

You want to know why babies grow too fast? It's because we are always waiting for the next step and not enjoying the current state. For the fast few months we have been working on crawling and failing at every attempt. In the meantime thoughts of "Omg she's behind" and "Is something wrong with her" rush through my head on a daily basis. Though all babies grow and develop at a different pace you always want yours to be ahead. We are so focused on the future and what she's going to be doing we are not enjoying what she is doing now.So what if she doesn't feel like crawling right now, she can clap and dance. Thats AMAZING!!!

Ugh! I wish I had thought of this when I was focused on her rolling over, or sitting up. As a parent it's natural to want to see your kids blossom into the next stage/chapter of their lives but in the present and all encompassing now we take for granted what is going on. Slow Down. It's as easy as that. That annoying thing your parents always told you when you are grown up can not be taken literally and applied to your current state. Enjoy every moment and phase when they are happening and forget about the future because it will be here wether you dwell on it or not.

We live in a world where fast food is the new slow food and you can order anything you want and have it to your house the next day. Ridiculous! Slow down people! I mean what's the big rush? Can't we just stop and enjoy life for a moment? Can't we just embrace the moment and forget about the future? I mean I'm all about the next step and moving on but living in the moment is what has been lost in this hyper driven world. The future will be here whether you rush it or not so you might as well slow the fuck down in the process.

SO.... Charlotte Khaleesi, You crawl when you want to and you take your time walking because I love everything about you in the now and I don't care about anything else. Time is going by way too fast so why rush it even more with making you do things you just don't want to. Slow down and enjoy every moment with me because soon you will be big and not want your mommy around. I love you more everyday and don't realize how lucky I really am to be your mother. You are perfect and I love you so much.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Friends... What are they?

Cue the sad Violin music...

I have no friends anymore.

It's true I can't even remember the last time I interacted with someone who is not accustomed to blowing raspberries and silly faces. I knew having a baby would change things but I didn't realize it would be this drastic. Sometimes I feel like because I have a baby I am shunned from fun. I don't get invited to go out anymore because I have responsibilities. Well F that! I want to go out and have a drink! I want to go to the movies, and I want to eat a dinner that is not cold and reheated 3 times!

Before I had a baby I wouldn't have really called myself a kid person. I didn't really know what to do with them let alone their parents who I thought were in a totally different world than myself. I thought they were too busy with their baby to hang out and have some wine let alone gossip about the world. Their fun days are over and now are committed to a life time of monotonous tasks revolving around an 8 pound blob. I would say these friends with children were so foreign to me I avoided interacting with them for lack of understanding how their lives really are.

Is that really what this is about? Are people afraid of me? Did i turn into an alien the second I gave birth? Am I in a different world?

Well guess what? Having children changes nothing! Just because I have a 7 month old doesn't mean I don't want to go out an have a few too many! Who would have thought? Pre kid me would say that is irresponsible and judge current me to the moon and back. Having a baby doesn't mean I don't have time to hang, watch movies, or grab something to eat. I want to do all those things! Now even more than ever. I NEED to get out of this place! I'm sick of watching mickey mouse!  I'm turning into a crazy recluse and will soon start making voices for my cats... (actually I already DO that). I'm not some scary person that is above the rest of the world just because I bore a child.

Now I do admit time moves a lot faster when you have kids. days can easily turn into months and before you know it it's been 6 months before you have seen some of your good friends but this needs to end. I'm sick of spending friday nights at home renting a movie and stopping it 7 times to take care of a baby. The world gave us grandparents for a reason and that would be Babysitting! I love my daughter but I need to get the F out of here! I need some time talking in a normal voice with people that already know their colors and ABC's. Is that so hard?

I know this sounds incredibly whiny but lately it just seems like there is no one who understands how I feel. I feel like my only friends are my 4 legged creatures and my baby that cries all the time. I do feel like an alien on a different planet who just isn't understood anymore.  Maybe I am... Be bop boop

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Men are the worst

Yup I said it and I know every mother  is thinking it at some point no matter how "perfect" your life is.

Men. Are. The. Worst.

Did you know it's 7am on a Saturday morning and I'm writing this blog while my husband is in the bedroom watching tv/sleeping? I've already fed the baby, pumped, changed her, let the dog out, done a load of dishes and made coffee. Now she is happily jumping in her jumper. Who knew all this could be accomplished at such an early weekend hour? Well you can't....If you have a penis

Why is it that the simple things seem to become such hard and tedious tasks when men enter the scene with a newborn? Take cooking for example. Easy right? The other night I came home after working 12 hours starving and tired. We were having a simple meal of chicken tenders and fries where all that is entailed is throwing the frozen pieces on a pan and shoving them in the oven. Simple task....WRONG! I get home at 7:30 and the pan is out, the chicken tenders are on another counter, and the fries are on the table. All still Frozen! WTF! It's not hard to throw things on a pan and put them in the oven. It literally takes 10 seconds yet this simple task could not be preformed due to a "fussy baby" Hello!? I could cook a four course meal half blind and with one arm with a fussy baby! You mean to tell me Chicken tenders and fries were Impossible?! Sheesh! Needless to say My tired and starving ass also became grumpy as well that night!

Also why does it always look like a tornado came twirling through my house when my husband is left alone with the baby? I swear it makes no difference if it's 12 hours or 12 minutes, the amount of destruction will be no less in a short period. Saturdays I work till noon so my husband is responsible for feeding her when she wakes up, changing her and playing with her. Who knew these three simple tasks would mean there would be dirty clothes every where, dirty bottles/bowls in the sink and living room, and worst of all, a dirty husband who of course could not find 5 minutes to take a shower the whole time i was gone! Why is this? All you have to do it put her in her bouncer give her a toy and run to the shower. Not hard! But when it comes to men these easy tasks are nearly impossible. and usually Mom gets stuck picking up the mess created by the daddy monster! Hell I can vacuum with the baby in one arm!

Another thing men suck is at dressing the baby! I swear up and down sometimes they do it on purpose so they will never get stuck dressing them again but then I realize they really do try and just have no concept of what looks good or not. Green socks do not go with anything except this color green, just learn that it's not hard! Also why does it seem to take 2 hours? We will be getting ready to go and his simple task will be to get her dressed for the day. I'll have loaded the car, filled the diaper bag, made sure we have food, let the dog out and run three miles on the treadmill by the time he has gotten her pajamas off one leg! I mean what is he possibly doing with her the whole time?

Selective hearing is another thing men are really good at and seem to perfect when a baby comes along.
Him: "Oh honey last night was a good night she only got up once!"
Me: "&%$@ you!" As I was up 4 times!
Seriously? You did not hear her screaming? at all? You did not feel me nudge you and ask you to get her then said "no" and rolled over? Miraculously you don't seem to remember that either? You didn't hear me sobbing quietly in the room while feeding her because I was at my wits end? I mean seriously are you deaf? Nope! Just a man!

Why also do men have such a less tolerance for anything when it comes to the baby? If she is having a fussy day I get stressed out but I deal with it. Men will come home and be ready to throw in the towel after 5 minutes of the same crap I have been dealing with all day! What the hell! Why when the baby is screaming and we have tried everything he gets frustrated 10 times quicker than I ever would? Leaving me to take care of her when she is the most upset. It's soooo annoying and I just don't understand it. Babies cry! get over it and relax!

Along with the Tolerance of anything horrible lets just add on a little exaggerating! Men are the absolute worst exaggerators when it comes to anything with the baby. Good or bad. If she was crying for 5 minutes it turns into 2 hours! (cue the sad violin music) Bah! I'm not an idiot I mean seriously who do you think I am? I know he is just trying to gain sympathy and it's not going to work! I deal with the same issues every day. Lets all just move along. Also if he "takes" the baby away to give mom a break suddenly an hour turns into 4. "Honey I was good today, I took her for 4 hours while you napped". BS.. Again I'm not an idiot and believe it or not I do know how to tell time.

Ok That being said.... My husband is the greatest father I could have ever wished for my child and I will never say otherwise. The amount of love he has for her is simply out of this world and he totally went beyond my expectations as a father when she entered this world. I love that the first thing he goes to when he gets home is her pretty face and won't leave until he gets a big smile out of her. I love that he kisses her head and tells her she's the prettiest baby in the whole world on a daily basis.  I love when he falls asleep with her on the couch with his hands folded on top of her so she is safe. I love when we go somewhere new and he wants to take her out of the carseat to show her off because he is proud of his little girl. Most of all I love his nightly routine and his "5 Kisses" she gets every night before bed (One from him and I, and one from each pet). He made that up and the little things like that make every annoying man habit forgotten because even though he is frustrating at times, I would not change him for a second. Nothing is sexier than seeing your man in love with your little girl.   

Friday, February 21, 2014

Hard days are hard.

I'm having a rough day today. Nothing I seem to do is making my baby happy. I have tried playing with toys, bouncing, jumping, rocking her, feeding her, singing to her, giving her teething tablets, you name it and I have done it. Just when I seem to get a handle on the whiny situation, the cries happen yet again. I might possibly have the most miserable baby today and it's just so hard to live with that. It's so hard not to be able to communicate with your child and have them tell you exactly what is wrong! I could deal with the whines a lot better if I knew the source of them. I just want to make things better and days like this I just feel helpless. There is a tiny speck of a tooth emerging on her lower right gums but it's been there for 4 days and I think teething is a scapegoat for every time your baby has a moment of unhappiness.

Though most days are so enjoyable, sometimes as I mother i have a hard day. I am so frustrated I could scream and the day is only half over. My husband will get home from work, go to the bathroom to take a 20 minute shit, with no comprehension of my level of stress. After a half hour he will finally take her and become frustrated within 5 minutes of witnessing her attitude. Why is this? Why do men have such a low tolerance to anything difficult when it comes to babies? Why can't they do anything when they are alone watching them? Why does it all of a sudden seem like you are caring for two babies when they are together? Ugh! I could go on and on.

I have the most miserable baby today and i'm having a hard day but mom's don't get a break no matter how stressed we become. Days like today make me appreciate my mom a lot more than I ever have. Maybe that's why days like this happen. I mean life can't be flowers and roses all the time. Even the prettiest of roses have a bad day and wilt but it makes you value the days that are good all the more. Even though I'm having a hard day and my husband may come home and make it even harder for me, in the big scheme of things I am much better off than most people. I may have a grumpy baby today but she is still cute in the process and tomorrow will be a better day!

Hard days are hard but I'm blessed in every way!

Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentines Day Love it or Love it

Valentines day... That stupid commercialized holiday that sneaks up on you every damn year and shoves the dumb ideals that buying candy and flowers for your loved one makes up for all the times you failed in the past year.

Valentines day... That wonderful holiday where you get to show the one you love how much you care for them and shower them with flowers, chocolates and little surprises.The most anticipated holiday where you get to openly show the one you love how much you care for them.

I feel like it's either one view or the other and I have fallen victim to both. Since having a baby nothing is about me anymore and I am ok with that. Valentines day isn't about getting candy and going out to a nice dinner anymore, it's not about finding the right card for my loved one, and it's not about being romantic for one special night.

Priorities change when you become a mom and you soon realize how silly it is to hate a holiday based on love. So this is my current take on the most loved/dreaded holiday.

Embrace it. Even if you are not in a relationship make an effort to call that loved one you've been meaning to for weeks, take your pets for a long walk or even better, treat yourself to a nice night out or a nice night in. It's not about being in a relationship like the commercialized world has led us to believe but the people/animals in our lives that bring us the most love.  I think Valentines day is important in reminding us to value the significant relationships in our lives.

Love Valentine's Day! Don't hate just to hate. That's what hipsters are for. It's not cool to hate a holiday that is based on the sole thing people yearn for in their lives. When i used to think Valentine's day was stupid, I just hadn't realized the true meaning behind it. Everyone has love in their heart and everyone should just embrace it once a year. My Valentine this year is 18 pounds and the sweetest thing you have ever seen. I love her everyday but I think Valentines Day comes around to make me stop and take it all in. There are days when I think I can't go on, days where I feel so incompetent as a mother and days where I want to ship her off because I can't listen to her cry anymore. I don't love her any less when I have these moment of doubt, but Valentine's day is here to show me to take a step back and realize how lucky I am!

I am soooo Lucky! This has been the most amazing 6 months of my life and I wouldn't change a moment of that for the world. I get to be a mom to the most amazing beautiful baby girl in the whole world. I love every moment spent with her and I love that Valentine's Day is here for me to acknowledge that for me. I love Valentine's day now and i will always. Thank you Charlotte for showing me why.

Sorry this was all over the place! :)

Thursday, January 23, 2014

10 baby products that are a waste of money

Ok so I had my post about the most useful things I've encountered so far during motherhood, and naturally i have a bunch of useless things as well. Just know this is just my OPINION and I know every mother has a different experience, just know that my opinion is the right one :) 

1. Diaper Genie... This is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed in my entire short existence as a mother. First of all the thing is like 35-40 dollars. You can't use regular bags in it but have to use the diaper genie speciality refills that cost an additional 10 or something. Have you ever heard of a garbage can? You know they may be a little antiquated these days with the fancy diaper genies but believe it or not they work wonderfully in disposing of smelly items. Imagine that! I even spent less than 10 dollars on mine and it fits regular sized garbage bags.. Who knew? Please please don't waste yours or someone else's money on a diaper genie...just don't! 

2. Expensive bedding... Ok here is the story..You really don't need expensive bedding because you will most likely never use it. The comforter that comes with the set is usually hard and a weird square shape. You are not supposed to use blankets on babies until they are a certain age and people will always make or buy you blankets that are far more comfortable and warm. That being said any new mom wants the perfect nursery for their first baby so that means getting the expensive bedding set that goes with the decal. I did it and I expect any other new mom to do it too. Just know when child number 2 rolls around they will be getting hand me downs and no matching bedding.

3. Dreft... OMG this shit is crazy expensive! Like I'm talking 20 dollars for a bottle of it. It's like liquid gold! It's also like a liquid rip off. My daughter does have sensitive skin so I totally bought into the dreft gimmick but guess what? Any detergent free of dyes and colors works the same way and is about half the price. I recommend using All free and clear. Works the same and leaves you a little money left over so you can eat that week. 

4. Expensive newborn clothes... Hello!! For the first few weeks all a baby does is eat, sleep, spit up and poo literally. No sense in wasting money on expensive cute newborn clothes when they will be changed in 10 minutes anyway. Plus when the baby is born everyone and their sister buys you adorable clothes, so it's not worth your time trust me!

5. Newborn shoes...I'm sad to say I spent some of my hard earned money on newborn flip-flops I mean how adorable are they? What a waste of money! Its not like they can put any pressure on their feet for months and shoes are a stupid waste of time... save the cuteness until they are older 

6. Expensive car seat/stroller... Remember when I said all a baby does is eat sleep, spit up and poop? well they will do that in a 600 dollar carseat and they will do it in a 200 dollar carseat. They all have to be made with the same standards these days, so putting them in a 200 dollar stroller does not mean you are making them less safe, it just means you are being smarter and saving the extra money so they can afford clothes. They mess them up eventually with some sort of fluid that comes out of them, so why waste the money on an expensive one. Nonsense I tell ya 

7. Baby timer... I just learned about these things when I had my daughter. Apparently there is a timer that you set when you last fed the baby and it beeps to let you know when to feed and change the baby again.. I mean have we ever heard of a cry? Isn't that supposed to tell you when to feed or change the baby? What did people do in the olden days when there was no timer? How is our generation even alive?? What a bunch of crap! I mean if you can't remember to feed your baby then I think you have a problem 

8. Bassinet... I didn't think people used these things anymore but that's not true. Many new parents want a bassinet for their newborn but it's just useless. Nowadays a pack n play can solve the purpose of the bassinet and be used when they grow as well. Any decent pack n play has the top sleeper which acts as a built in bassinet eliminating the need for one entirely... Just skip this expensive thing and go for the more modern approach. My daughter is almost 6 months and still sleeps in the pack n play. We have a Bassinet upstairs that I think the cats slept in once. 

9. Pee Pee Tee Pee's... ugh even writing the name out is stupid. I mean I had a girl so my situation is different but come on, you really expect this stupid little tee pee fabric to stop a baby boy from squirting pee everywhere? Eventually it has to come off. Face it it's inevitable and a stupid 4 dollar pee pee tee pee is not going to stop anything! Sheesh I can't even believe i had to waste my time writing about this one! 

10. A Bottle Sterilizer.. Umm all I have to say about this is ever heard of a dish washer? Does the same thing and you more than likely have one, so just use some common sense and don't make someone spend money on this! 

Friday, January 10, 2014


So I know there is a lot out there on in internet of things that are useless for babies yet mother's want anyway. Some of it is true, but a lot of it is Malarky. I am still a little new at this mom thing but I can tell you there is a lot of crap you don't need but it's nice to have anyway.

1. A wipe warmer. This sounds like the dumbest thing ever. I certainly never had a wipe warmer when i was a baby so why should my baby get a warm butt every time she gets changed? It actually is really nice. Wipes are cold and when you live in a climate where it seems winter is the predominant season, it's nice to know your baby won't do a cold shudder every time you touch her skin with a cold ass wipe. Now of course when my mother bought this for my daughter it was not without a lot of harassment from me but I shut up quite quickly when i saw how nice it really was, especially when she had a cold... Now where is the toilet paper warmer for us adults??

2.  A Bumbo Seat. A lot of people will tell you this is an unnecessary purchase as it's short lived and really has no point. I have found this to be completely untrue. Ever since day one my daughter came out of the womb wanting to sit in an upright position. This was the only way she liked to be burped and when she was being held if you didn't sit her upright on your knee you would regret it when the screams came. The Bumbo seat was such a life saver and still is to this day. It's exhausting constantly holding a baby in a sitting position so why not use something that is solely made for this purpose. I could sit her in it and walk away for hours it seemed and she was just content to stare and look around. Now I use it for feedings because we haven't purchased a highchair yet. It's easy to move around from room to room, so you can really just put baby in the corner and forget about her while you do what you gotta do... yeah I said it.

3. A jumper. Now back in the olden days when I was a kid these things didn't exist. Walkers did and no wonder you cant find them anymore because they were more like a deathtrap. Apparently when I was a baby I went down the basement stairs in mine (This could explain a lot) Nowadays people have smartened up and made these things stationary and call them jumpers. More like the most amazing baby entertainment system. You can plop your kid in here and they will be content for hours.. literally! You can actually have a life again, take a shower at a normal time, and remember what a hot meal feels like. This is worth every penny

4+5. A swing and bouncer. A lot of people will tell you having both is completely unnecessary but those people are full of shit. When you have an infant in the early months, it's all about rotating them from one thing to another and back again to keep them happy. Once the swing gets boring, move them to the bouncer and when that gets old back to the swing. Also babies go through annoying phases where they hate certain things so you need the other as a backup until their love returns :) Nowadays i find myself rocking my foot even when the bouncer is not around. My how life has changed

6. Wubbanub's! You will soon think there is nothing funny about this name. The 15-20 dollars these cost are worth every cent. When babies are very little they have a very strong tongue thrust reflex and you feel like you are spending most of your time picking up the pacifiers and putting them back in the baby's mouth. These are amazing because the little animal attached provides enough weight that when they throw the pacifier out of their mouth, it stays put on their chest. Who knew? As babies grow older they are amazing because they provide a comfort to them and they can start to hold it themselves. Let me tell you, in the beginning we didn't use these and went through a million pacifiers because you always lost them. Now we only have three of these and it's all we need. You actually will save money in the long run because you can't lose these under the bed and couch.

7. Carseat Covers. If you live in a warmer climate, bypass this paragraph and know that you suck. For the rest of us poor souls that live where it's freezing half of the year these are an amazing lifesaver. As you can see a little in the picture above it goes over the carseat and is pretty universal. It pulls up over the entire baby so you don't really have to worry about putting a jacket and hat on all the time. After all who wants to buy a winter jacket for an infant? What a waste of money. Also on top of the money spent, it begins to get too bulky in the carseat and it's nearly impossible to buckle them in with a puffy jacket. These are great because you can just throw them in the seat wearing whatever and cover them completely up when you go outside... Don't yell at me of course I'm not saying dress her in a swimsuit but you know what i mean.

8.The Boppy. Pretty much everyone has this on their registry and I wasn't sold on it when i was first looking at baby things. After all it's just a fancy expensive pillow right? Well if you are breastfeeding it's the most amazing fancy pillow in the world. Im tall so I found that pillows don't work when you are trying to get the baby to your boob, they are too soft and the baby just sinks. The Boppy is nice and firm so it's the perfect size to nurse correctly. This thing is probably the most used thing in our house right now and I wouldn't have it any other way. Plus the pets find them interesting so it's good for all.

9. The Swaddle. I cannot praise this product enough. In the beginning my husband and I didn't use it and it was horrible. Everytime we got the baby to sleep and tried to move her, her arms would fly out and startle her awake. It was terrible. We didn't think she liked to be swaddled but boy were we dumb. I don't know what we were thinking. As soon as we used it well into her 2nd month we soon remembered what sleep was. Pinning her arms down is amazing because she could no longer wake herself up. Nowadays 5 months later she still won't sleep without it and frankly I don't care because it works. Just get one 

10. A bottle warmer. I was totally against a bottle warmer in the beginning. They are really expensive and why spend that much money when everyone has a microwave or hot water. I was given one by a friend and thank god because I would have never known how wonderful such a marvelous little machine is. First of all when you are breastfeeding every pumped bottle is a little different. You never get the same amount so it's really hard to know how warm to heat it up to. On top of that when you are dealing with a breastfed baby they are used to having milk at a certain temperature and often reject it if it's too cold or hot. This is where bottle warmers come in handy. You just figure out how much milk you have and it heats it to the magical perfect temperature. I don't know how it does it but it's amazing. You don't have to worry about getting it too hot and waiting for it to cool while there is a screaming baby in the background.  It's amazing. 

So I'm not saying these products will have the same effect on everyone but I'm just saying give them a chance. Its easy to knock something before you try it but I'm keeping these things around for the eventual baby number 2

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Nursing Sucks... Literally

Nursing is so easy and natural. Babies are born with the natural instinct to suckle as a survival method so it's never a problem.

Any mother who had this experience can go suck an egg

Screw that nursing is a bitch! And i'm not referring to that little bitch in high school that wouldn't leave you alone, I'm referring to the biggest bitch of them all. I went into this pregnancy knowing nursing was really our only option. Formula is just to damn expensive and I really wanted to do what was best and most nutritional for the baby. I never thought twice about it the whole 9 months, I just accepted the fact that this was our plan and was prepared for the natural act of nursing when she arrived.

First of all my boobs grew three sizes during pregnancy and i now sport a nice set of cantaloupes. So when the nurse placed her on me for the first time and tried to get her to suckle, it was like trying to fit an orange into something the size of a grape. Her mouth was just too small for my expanded bosom and as a result I got to experience BITING! Ok ok ok I know babies don't have any teeth so it can't really hurt that much but anyone who believes that I dare you do come over and put your finger into my teething babies mouth...It hurts like a bitch! As a result she couldn't get her latch down pat, and my nipples looked like a war zone. Seriously, the lactation specialist we met with said they were the worst she has seen in years. That made me feel grrreat

So what's worse than sore bruised bleeding nipples? Making your baby nurse off of them every 2 hours! You soon begin to dread the impending moment of doom and wish time would slow down so you don't have to try. You begin wishing you had all the money in the world so that you could buy the most expensive formula and not have to face the pain. I hate to say it but I definitely think I was more focused on trying to breastfeed than enjoying my new moments of motherhood. Every two hours is a lot and in the beginning it can take up to a half hour to feed, so you feel like you just finished when you have to start all over again.

As if the nipple situation isn't enough you have other issues that can arise, like milk production. I was sure I wouldn't have a problem because there was no family history of nursing problems but there is a first for everything and naturally I would be the one to experience a low supply. The first few days you don't have milk but colostrum which everyone knows contains antibodies to help protect the newborn against disease. But what everyone doesn't know that it takes a ton of effort to get this colostrum out. First there was the issue of the biter and the fact that it was just too painful to nurse, now i had to use breast pump in-between feedings to keep the demand for milk at a high. Ugh I look back on these days and thank god they are in my past. I would pump for 10 minutes and only get about 5-10 cc's of colostrum. 

So like all the lactation specialists will tell you, I tried warm compresses on my chest before each feedings, Massaging during feedings,  Mother's Milk tea, Pumped after every session and used TONS of Lanolin Cream. I did this for weeks and got to the point where I was almost resentful to my partner because he didn't even offer to use formula. He wasn't the one missing out on family visits because he was in the other room pumping and he wasn't the one getting bitten. This is frustrating because men just have no clue what you are going through and it's made evident many times during pregnancy and birth. All said and done I look back now and thank him for not letting me quit (just don't tell him that).

Eventually my milk supply came in with a lot of effort and tears on my part. I often considered myself a cow in the beginning because it just seemed the only thing I was good for was milk.  I would have to say the warm compresses really did work, so if you have supply issues try that and drink the tea.. Your relationship with your partner definitely goes to a new level when he or she is massaging your breasts while feeding.. Nothing will phase you. Boob's become so less attractive and sexual after birth.

Ok so remember how I told you I had a biter on my hands? The only solution I found to work for this problem was using a nipple shield. WTF is a nipple shield? It's basically a plastic nipple that goes over yours to protect it from damage and helps them correct their latch! Who knew such things existed? This thing was my lifesaver! It made nursing significantly less painful while my nipples were healing. It also helped with the size problem I had and made it easier for her to grab ahold of something. My lactation specialist wasn't trilled about using this but i kept telling myself if was working and reduced the pain so much that i ignored her :) Only problem to this was once the baby started using the nipple shield she would refuse nursing without one. I would say it took her until she was at least 2 months old to nurse naturally without the shield and I was fine with this. Don't be surprised if they reject our nipple but keep trying and eventually one day they will get the hang of it and act like they have been doing it all along.

Wanna know the worst thing for nursing even after all of this? Your partner cannot help you with the middle of the night feedings. It gets to a point when the baby is up for the 3rd time and they are snoring in the corner that you contemplate smothering them in their sleep. I know you can pump and put some in a bottle but by the time you go to the kitchen, heat it up, bring it back to the baby, they are already wide awake and there is no chance in hell they are going to go back to sleep. Plus if thats not an issue what breastfed baby wants to take a bottle over a mother's nipple anyways? The struggle is not worth it. It's just easier to do boob in the middle of the night... Just make the death of your snoring partner look like an accident :)

That being said, Nursing does suck at times but it is also one of the most rewarding experiences any mother can experience. I mean how cool is it that our boobs contain the pure substance that is keeping our babies alive, happy and healthy. I get so excited when we take her to the doctor to see how much she weighs. I always think yay! I'm making her grow! It's just really neat to think that our bodies change and adapt when a baby comes.  I also secretly love when she rejects a bottle even though it's annoying at the time because I know she wants her mommy more :) It's just a great bonding experience that everyone will tell you but this time is actually true.

My most important and most valuable advice to any mother who is going to attempt to nurse is to just stick with it. If you are devoted and passionate about it don't let that die. Struggle through it because the reward you will get in the end will make all the challenges seem minuscule. I love nursing more than anything right now, and though those first few weeks and months were horrendous, I would do it again in a heart beat to get to the place we are at now.... Well maybe :)

Also use your friends and family for help. This is a subject where any advice can be helpful. Lactation specialists are great but a lot of them have old hippie ideas that just frankly are crazy. You have to do what works best for you so find out what other people did and try new things... Also cry. That helped me a ton!  Wanna know my biggest problem with nursing now? Where can I keep all the extra milk!

and this is just half 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Things people never tell you

Getting pregnant is a beautiful thing...  HAHA! look at me I was a gigantic manatee! (Don't lie you were thinking it before I said it). Not to mention the 90 degree weather we were having was just perfect. Exactly what i wanted since i couldn't move and perfected a new way to slide out of bed and the couch.  So not only was I a huge whale, I looked like one with all the sweat pouring off of me... more like a beached whale.

I have always required a lot of sleep and during the pregnancy you would think I had become sleeping beauty with the amount I needed. I began to think that possibly motherhood would not suit me and my lack of sleep would really benefit no one. What if when she woke up in the middle of the night I was too tired to take care of her, or too angry at her for being awake? Guess what? These situations do happen and no one tells you about them! I remember one night I was just too tired to take care of her. It was her 3rd time up and I wasn't lucid by any means. I was starting to get angry and even worse I felt like I was starting to resent her for not learning what sleep was. This is when you need your partner to step in or get a parent to help you. It's ok to get some help and it does not mean you are a failure. And it's normal to get angry. Sleep deprivation can change who you are and you are a better parent with a sane mind so make your husband do the night duty for once so you can be a good mom. Of course afterwards you feel guilty for being "mad" at your little one but it's normal and every mom goes through it.

Did you see my previous mention about flatulence? Now I have always been immature when it comes to this subject because honestly farts are funny! But when you are pregnant it just brings on a whole new embarrassing element. No one ever talks about how you can't control the noises that come out of you when you stand up from a sitting position or go up and down stairs. You may be laughing right now as you are reading this, but it's true! If anyone would have warned me about the amount of gas that comes out on a daily basis when you are pregnant I would have tried to invent some soundproof underwear.  Its just not normal, and yet it is! I guess it's something only pregnant women can understand but let me tell you, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED (hehehehe)

So you know how pregnant women always say they are uncomfortable? Well I was expecting that. I was expecting not to be able to find a comfy place in bed, and I was expecting to not be able to jog. But the Pelvic pressure I was experiencing was out of this world. Now I know each pregnancy is different but I know pelvic pressure has to be a common occurrence right? I mean every time I got out of bed I cringed and felt like 100 pounds was just weighing down on me. It got to the point where I could really only make it around the block without being in so much pain. I'm only 28 years old yet I was feeling like a 80 year old could do more than me. This can't be normal right? Wrong... Just get over it, people have been doing it for centuries. Blah

I found out fairly early I was pregnant and to be honest much of the happiness was overshadowed by fear. Would I be a good mom? Would I love her as much as I should? Would I resent her for taking away my time? No one tells you about these feelings, and to say every mom hasn't thought them at one point is a total lie. I would often find myself getting angry thinking I was such a terrible person for even having the slightest thought in this direction but what normal person doesn't react to change in some way? 

No one tells you about the crying! I mean its normal to cry at the birth but then after that all the crying is left for the baby, after all 
babies cry..  Duh everyone knows that! Well guess what? So do moms and I mean ALL THE FREAKIN TIME! Think you are a strong emotionless person? just wait till you have a baby, then just one look at a cute puppy in a commercial will send you into a blubbery mess because everything reminds you of your perfect baby.

Not all tears are happy tears, sometimes mom's just cry to cry! I mean you would think we had two babies with the amount of tears that came from me and I had no idea what was happening. Sometimes crying just happens and there is no reason, sometimes crying happens from lack of sleep, and most importantly sometimes crying happens because you think you are failing and no one in the whole world understands what you are going through. Well guess what? Crying is normal and I say let it out! Men don't understand crying and it's really frustrating especially when you don't even know why you are crying. But screw them and just do what you gotta do you are not a failure, sometimes you just need a good cry.

No one tells you how hard nursing is! I won't get into too much detail here as I have a whole lot of information on this saved for another day but I thought it would be so easy! After all babies are born with the natural instinct to suckle so it should be fine right? Wrong! No one tells you how painful it is, how sometimes it takes a lot of work to get your milk to come in and how sometimes they have bad latches which is a whole process in itself... Remember the crying? Yeah a lot was to do with this... Nursing is Hard! Don't let anyone fool you. It takes a lot of work buuut Stick with it, people have been doing it for centuries. Blah :)

How come no one tells you that a contraction feels like you have to take the largest most painful poop? Again I will get into this in a later entry but being a week overdue and lactose intolerant I thought I was just having a bad reaction to some ice cream I had. I know contractions are different in every person, some people get back pain, some people get cramps but i never heard it feels like you have to take a dump. I was trying every 4 mins to poop until my mom knocked some sense into me and told me they were contractions. I mean it never occurred to me in the slightest that i was actually having contractions. Thank god for my mom otherwise I would have had once of those toilet babies! 

So there's a lot of crap no one tells you about. I finally get what people mean when they say being a parent is the hardest job. You feel so angry at times and feel like no one understands you when in reality every 2nd person has gone through the same experiences.  just know that pregnancy is a beautiful thing, not for you, but for the life it creates.