Thursday, January 23, 2014

10 baby products that are a waste of money

Ok so I had my post about the most useful things I've encountered so far during motherhood, and naturally i have a bunch of useless things as well. Just know this is just my OPINION and I know every mother has a different experience, just know that my opinion is the right one :) 

1. Diaper Genie... This is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed in my entire short existence as a mother. First of all the thing is like 35-40 dollars. You can't use regular bags in it but have to use the diaper genie speciality refills that cost an additional 10 or something. Have you ever heard of a garbage can? You know they may be a little antiquated these days with the fancy diaper genies but believe it or not they work wonderfully in disposing of smelly items. Imagine that! I even spent less than 10 dollars on mine and it fits regular sized garbage bags.. Who knew? Please please don't waste yours or someone else's money on a diaper genie...just don't! 

2. Expensive bedding... Ok here is the story..You really don't need expensive bedding because you will most likely never use it. The comforter that comes with the set is usually hard and a weird square shape. You are not supposed to use blankets on babies until they are a certain age and people will always make or buy you blankets that are far more comfortable and warm. That being said any new mom wants the perfect nursery for their first baby so that means getting the expensive bedding set that goes with the decal. I did it and I expect any other new mom to do it too. Just know when child number 2 rolls around they will be getting hand me downs and no matching bedding.

3. Dreft... OMG this shit is crazy expensive! Like I'm talking 20 dollars for a bottle of it. It's like liquid gold! It's also like a liquid rip off. My daughter does have sensitive skin so I totally bought into the dreft gimmick but guess what? Any detergent free of dyes and colors works the same way and is about half the price. I recommend using All free and clear. Works the same and leaves you a little money left over so you can eat that week. 

4. Expensive newborn clothes... Hello!! For the first few weeks all a baby does is eat, sleep, spit up and poo literally. No sense in wasting money on expensive cute newborn clothes when they will be changed in 10 minutes anyway. Plus when the baby is born everyone and their sister buys you adorable clothes, so it's not worth your time trust me!

5. Newborn shoes...I'm sad to say I spent some of my hard earned money on newborn flip-flops I mean how adorable are they? What a waste of money! Its not like they can put any pressure on their feet for months and shoes are a stupid waste of time... save the cuteness until they are older 

6. Expensive car seat/stroller... Remember when I said all a baby does is eat sleep, spit up and poop? well they will do that in a 600 dollar carseat and they will do it in a 200 dollar carseat. They all have to be made with the same standards these days, so putting them in a 200 dollar stroller does not mean you are making them less safe, it just means you are being smarter and saving the extra money so they can afford clothes. They mess them up eventually with some sort of fluid that comes out of them, so why waste the money on an expensive one. Nonsense I tell ya 

7. Baby timer... I just learned about these things when I had my daughter. Apparently there is a timer that you set when you last fed the baby and it beeps to let you know when to feed and change the baby again.. I mean have we ever heard of a cry? Isn't that supposed to tell you when to feed or change the baby? What did people do in the olden days when there was no timer? How is our generation even alive?? What a bunch of crap! I mean if you can't remember to feed your baby then I think you have a problem 

8. Bassinet... I didn't think people used these things anymore but that's not true. Many new parents want a bassinet for their newborn but it's just useless. Nowadays a pack n play can solve the purpose of the bassinet and be used when they grow as well. Any decent pack n play has the top sleeper which acts as a built in bassinet eliminating the need for one entirely... Just skip this expensive thing and go for the more modern approach. My daughter is almost 6 months and still sleeps in the pack n play. We have a Bassinet upstairs that I think the cats slept in once. 

9. Pee Pee Tee Pee's... ugh even writing the name out is stupid. I mean I had a girl so my situation is different but come on, you really expect this stupid little tee pee fabric to stop a baby boy from squirting pee everywhere? Eventually it has to come off. Face it it's inevitable and a stupid 4 dollar pee pee tee pee is not going to stop anything! Sheesh I can't even believe i had to waste my time writing about this one! 

10. A Bottle Sterilizer.. Umm all I have to say about this is ever heard of a dish washer? Does the same thing and you more than likely have one, so just use some common sense and don't make someone spend money on this! 

Friday, January 10, 2014


So I know there is a lot out there on in internet of things that are useless for babies yet mother's want anyway. Some of it is true, but a lot of it is Malarky. I am still a little new at this mom thing but I can tell you there is a lot of crap you don't need but it's nice to have anyway.

1. A wipe warmer. This sounds like the dumbest thing ever. I certainly never had a wipe warmer when i was a baby so why should my baby get a warm butt every time she gets changed? It actually is really nice. Wipes are cold and when you live in a climate where it seems winter is the predominant season, it's nice to know your baby won't do a cold shudder every time you touch her skin with a cold ass wipe. Now of course when my mother bought this for my daughter it was not without a lot of harassment from me but I shut up quite quickly when i saw how nice it really was, especially when she had a cold... Now where is the toilet paper warmer for us adults??

2.  A Bumbo Seat. A lot of people will tell you this is an unnecessary purchase as it's short lived and really has no point. I have found this to be completely untrue. Ever since day one my daughter came out of the womb wanting to sit in an upright position. This was the only way she liked to be burped and when she was being held if you didn't sit her upright on your knee you would regret it when the screams came. The Bumbo seat was such a life saver and still is to this day. It's exhausting constantly holding a baby in a sitting position so why not use something that is solely made for this purpose. I could sit her in it and walk away for hours it seemed and she was just content to stare and look around. Now I use it for feedings because we haven't purchased a highchair yet. It's easy to move around from room to room, so you can really just put baby in the corner and forget about her while you do what you gotta do... yeah I said it.

3. A jumper. Now back in the olden days when I was a kid these things didn't exist. Walkers did and no wonder you cant find them anymore because they were more like a deathtrap. Apparently when I was a baby I went down the basement stairs in mine (This could explain a lot) Nowadays people have smartened up and made these things stationary and call them jumpers. More like the most amazing baby entertainment system. You can plop your kid in here and they will be content for hours.. literally! You can actually have a life again, take a shower at a normal time, and remember what a hot meal feels like. This is worth every penny

4+5. A swing and bouncer. A lot of people will tell you having both is completely unnecessary but those people are full of shit. When you have an infant in the early months, it's all about rotating them from one thing to another and back again to keep them happy. Once the swing gets boring, move them to the bouncer and when that gets old back to the swing. Also babies go through annoying phases where they hate certain things so you need the other as a backup until their love returns :) Nowadays i find myself rocking my foot even when the bouncer is not around. My how life has changed

6. Wubbanub's! You will soon think there is nothing funny about this name. The 15-20 dollars these cost are worth every cent. When babies are very little they have a very strong tongue thrust reflex and you feel like you are spending most of your time picking up the pacifiers and putting them back in the baby's mouth. These are amazing because the little animal attached provides enough weight that when they throw the pacifier out of their mouth, it stays put on their chest. Who knew? As babies grow older they are amazing because they provide a comfort to them and they can start to hold it themselves. Let me tell you, in the beginning we didn't use these and went through a million pacifiers because you always lost them. Now we only have three of these and it's all we need. You actually will save money in the long run because you can't lose these under the bed and couch.

7. Carseat Covers. If you live in a warmer climate, bypass this paragraph and know that you suck. For the rest of us poor souls that live where it's freezing half of the year these are an amazing lifesaver. As you can see a little in the picture above it goes over the carseat and is pretty universal. It pulls up over the entire baby so you don't really have to worry about putting a jacket and hat on all the time. After all who wants to buy a winter jacket for an infant? What a waste of money. Also on top of the money spent, it begins to get too bulky in the carseat and it's nearly impossible to buckle them in with a puffy jacket. These are great because you can just throw them in the seat wearing whatever and cover them completely up when you go outside... Don't yell at me of course I'm not saying dress her in a swimsuit but you know what i mean.

8.The Boppy. Pretty much everyone has this on their registry and I wasn't sold on it when i was first looking at baby things. After all it's just a fancy expensive pillow right? Well if you are breastfeeding it's the most amazing fancy pillow in the world. Im tall so I found that pillows don't work when you are trying to get the baby to your boob, they are too soft and the baby just sinks. The Boppy is nice and firm so it's the perfect size to nurse correctly. This thing is probably the most used thing in our house right now and I wouldn't have it any other way. Plus the pets find them interesting so it's good for all.

9. The Swaddle. I cannot praise this product enough. In the beginning my husband and I didn't use it and it was horrible. Everytime we got the baby to sleep and tried to move her, her arms would fly out and startle her awake. It was terrible. We didn't think she liked to be swaddled but boy were we dumb. I don't know what we were thinking. As soon as we used it well into her 2nd month we soon remembered what sleep was. Pinning her arms down is amazing because she could no longer wake herself up. Nowadays 5 months later she still won't sleep without it and frankly I don't care because it works. Just get one 

10. A bottle warmer. I was totally against a bottle warmer in the beginning. They are really expensive and why spend that much money when everyone has a microwave or hot water. I was given one by a friend and thank god because I would have never known how wonderful such a marvelous little machine is. First of all when you are breastfeeding every pumped bottle is a little different. You never get the same amount so it's really hard to know how warm to heat it up to. On top of that when you are dealing with a breastfed baby they are used to having milk at a certain temperature and often reject it if it's too cold or hot. This is where bottle warmers come in handy. You just figure out how much milk you have and it heats it to the magical perfect temperature. I don't know how it does it but it's amazing. You don't have to worry about getting it too hot and waiting for it to cool while there is a screaming baby in the background.  It's amazing. 

So I'm not saying these products will have the same effect on everyone but I'm just saying give them a chance. Its easy to knock something before you try it but I'm keeping these things around for the eventual baby number 2

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Nursing Sucks... Literally

Nursing is so easy and natural. Babies are born with the natural instinct to suckle as a survival method so it's never a problem.

Any mother who had this experience can go suck an egg

Screw that nursing is a bitch! And i'm not referring to that little bitch in high school that wouldn't leave you alone, I'm referring to the biggest bitch of them all. I went into this pregnancy knowing nursing was really our only option. Formula is just to damn expensive and I really wanted to do what was best and most nutritional for the baby. I never thought twice about it the whole 9 months, I just accepted the fact that this was our plan and was prepared for the natural act of nursing when she arrived.

First of all my boobs grew three sizes during pregnancy and i now sport a nice set of cantaloupes. So when the nurse placed her on me for the first time and tried to get her to suckle, it was like trying to fit an orange into something the size of a grape. Her mouth was just too small for my expanded bosom and as a result I got to experience BITING! Ok ok ok I know babies don't have any teeth so it can't really hurt that much but anyone who believes that I dare you do come over and put your finger into my teething babies mouth...It hurts like a bitch! As a result she couldn't get her latch down pat, and my nipples looked like a war zone. Seriously, the lactation specialist we met with said they were the worst she has seen in years. That made me feel grrreat

So what's worse than sore bruised bleeding nipples? Making your baby nurse off of them every 2 hours! You soon begin to dread the impending moment of doom and wish time would slow down so you don't have to try. You begin wishing you had all the money in the world so that you could buy the most expensive formula and not have to face the pain. I hate to say it but I definitely think I was more focused on trying to breastfeed than enjoying my new moments of motherhood. Every two hours is a lot and in the beginning it can take up to a half hour to feed, so you feel like you just finished when you have to start all over again.

As if the nipple situation isn't enough you have other issues that can arise, like milk production. I was sure I wouldn't have a problem because there was no family history of nursing problems but there is a first for everything and naturally I would be the one to experience a low supply. The first few days you don't have milk but colostrum which everyone knows contains antibodies to help protect the newborn against disease. But what everyone doesn't know that it takes a ton of effort to get this colostrum out. First there was the issue of the biter and the fact that it was just too painful to nurse, now i had to use breast pump in-between feedings to keep the demand for milk at a high. Ugh I look back on these days and thank god they are in my past. I would pump for 10 minutes and only get about 5-10 cc's of colostrum. 

So like all the lactation specialists will tell you, I tried warm compresses on my chest before each feedings, Massaging during feedings,  Mother's Milk tea, Pumped after every session and used TONS of Lanolin Cream. I did this for weeks and got to the point where I was almost resentful to my partner because he didn't even offer to use formula. He wasn't the one missing out on family visits because he was in the other room pumping and he wasn't the one getting bitten. This is frustrating because men just have no clue what you are going through and it's made evident many times during pregnancy and birth. All said and done I look back now and thank him for not letting me quit (just don't tell him that).

Eventually my milk supply came in with a lot of effort and tears on my part. I often considered myself a cow in the beginning because it just seemed the only thing I was good for was milk.  I would have to say the warm compresses really did work, so if you have supply issues try that and drink the tea.. Your relationship with your partner definitely goes to a new level when he or she is massaging your breasts while feeding.. Nothing will phase you. Boob's become so less attractive and sexual after birth.

Ok so remember how I told you I had a biter on my hands? The only solution I found to work for this problem was using a nipple shield. WTF is a nipple shield? It's basically a plastic nipple that goes over yours to protect it from damage and helps them correct their latch! Who knew such things existed? This thing was my lifesaver! It made nursing significantly less painful while my nipples were healing. It also helped with the size problem I had and made it easier for her to grab ahold of something. My lactation specialist wasn't trilled about using this but i kept telling myself if was working and reduced the pain so much that i ignored her :) Only problem to this was once the baby started using the nipple shield she would refuse nursing without one. I would say it took her until she was at least 2 months old to nurse naturally without the shield and I was fine with this. Don't be surprised if they reject our nipple but keep trying and eventually one day they will get the hang of it and act like they have been doing it all along.

Wanna know the worst thing for nursing even after all of this? Your partner cannot help you with the middle of the night feedings. It gets to a point when the baby is up for the 3rd time and they are snoring in the corner that you contemplate smothering them in their sleep. I know you can pump and put some in a bottle but by the time you go to the kitchen, heat it up, bring it back to the baby, they are already wide awake and there is no chance in hell they are going to go back to sleep. Plus if thats not an issue what breastfed baby wants to take a bottle over a mother's nipple anyways? The struggle is not worth it. It's just easier to do boob in the middle of the night... Just make the death of your snoring partner look like an accident :)

That being said, Nursing does suck at times but it is also one of the most rewarding experiences any mother can experience. I mean how cool is it that our boobs contain the pure substance that is keeping our babies alive, happy and healthy. I get so excited when we take her to the doctor to see how much she weighs. I always think yay! I'm making her grow! It's just really neat to think that our bodies change and adapt when a baby comes.  I also secretly love when she rejects a bottle even though it's annoying at the time because I know she wants her mommy more :) It's just a great bonding experience that everyone will tell you but this time is actually true.

My most important and most valuable advice to any mother who is going to attempt to nurse is to just stick with it. If you are devoted and passionate about it don't let that die. Struggle through it because the reward you will get in the end will make all the challenges seem minuscule. I love nursing more than anything right now, and though those first few weeks and months were horrendous, I would do it again in a heart beat to get to the place we are at now.... Well maybe :)

Also use your friends and family for help. This is a subject where any advice can be helpful. Lactation specialists are great but a lot of them have old hippie ideas that just frankly are crazy. You have to do what works best for you so find out what other people did and try new things... Also cry. That helped me a ton!  Wanna know my biggest problem with nursing now? Where can I keep all the extra milk!

and this is just half 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Things people never tell you

Getting pregnant is a beautiful thing...  HAHA! look at me I was a gigantic manatee! (Don't lie you were thinking it before I said it). Not to mention the 90 degree weather we were having was just perfect. Exactly what i wanted since i couldn't move and perfected a new way to slide out of bed and the couch.  So not only was I a huge whale, I looked like one with all the sweat pouring off of me... more like a beached whale.

I have always required a lot of sleep and during the pregnancy you would think I had become sleeping beauty with the amount I needed. I began to think that possibly motherhood would not suit me and my lack of sleep would really benefit no one. What if when she woke up in the middle of the night I was too tired to take care of her, or too angry at her for being awake? Guess what? These situations do happen and no one tells you about them! I remember one night I was just too tired to take care of her. It was her 3rd time up and I wasn't lucid by any means. I was starting to get angry and even worse I felt like I was starting to resent her for not learning what sleep was. This is when you need your partner to step in or get a parent to help you. It's ok to get some help and it does not mean you are a failure. And it's normal to get angry. Sleep deprivation can change who you are and you are a better parent with a sane mind so make your husband do the night duty for once so you can be a good mom. Of course afterwards you feel guilty for being "mad" at your little one but it's normal and every mom goes through it.

Did you see my previous mention about flatulence? Now I have always been immature when it comes to this subject because honestly farts are funny! But when you are pregnant it just brings on a whole new embarrassing element. No one ever talks about how you can't control the noises that come out of you when you stand up from a sitting position or go up and down stairs. You may be laughing right now as you are reading this, but it's true! If anyone would have warned me about the amount of gas that comes out on a daily basis when you are pregnant I would have tried to invent some soundproof underwear.  Its just not normal, and yet it is! I guess it's something only pregnant women can understand but let me tell you, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED (hehehehe)

So you know how pregnant women always say they are uncomfortable? Well I was expecting that. I was expecting not to be able to find a comfy place in bed, and I was expecting to not be able to jog. But the Pelvic pressure I was experiencing was out of this world. Now I know each pregnancy is different but I know pelvic pressure has to be a common occurrence right? I mean every time I got out of bed I cringed and felt like 100 pounds was just weighing down on me. It got to the point where I could really only make it around the block without being in so much pain. I'm only 28 years old yet I was feeling like a 80 year old could do more than me. This can't be normal right? Wrong... Just get over it, people have been doing it for centuries. Blah

I found out fairly early I was pregnant and to be honest much of the happiness was overshadowed by fear. Would I be a good mom? Would I love her as much as I should? Would I resent her for taking away my time? No one tells you about these feelings, and to say every mom hasn't thought them at one point is a total lie. I would often find myself getting angry thinking I was such a terrible person for even having the slightest thought in this direction but what normal person doesn't react to change in some way? 

No one tells you about the crying! I mean its normal to cry at the birth but then after that all the crying is left for the baby, after all 
babies cry..  Duh everyone knows that! Well guess what? So do moms and I mean ALL THE FREAKIN TIME! Think you are a strong emotionless person? just wait till you have a baby, then just one look at a cute puppy in a commercial will send you into a blubbery mess because everything reminds you of your perfect baby.

Not all tears are happy tears, sometimes mom's just cry to cry! I mean you would think we had two babies with the amount of tears that came from me and I had no idea what was happening. Sometimes crying just happens and there is no reason, sometimes crying happens from lack of sleep, and most importantly sometimes crying happens because you think you are failing and no one in the whole world understands what you are going through. Well guess what? Crying is normal and I say let it out! Men don't understand crying and it's really frustrating especially when you don't even know why you are crying. But screw them and just do what you gotta do you are not a failure, sometimes you just need a good cry.

No one tells you how hard nursing is! I won't get into too much detail here as I have a whole lot of information on this saved for another day but I thought it would be so easy! After all babies are born with the natural instinct to suckle so it should be fine right? Wrong! No one tells you how painful it is, how sometimes it takes a lot of work to get your milk to come in and how sometimes they have bad latches which is a whole process in itself... Remember the crying? Yeah a lot was to do with this... Nursing is Hard! Don't let anyone fool you. It takes a lot of work buuut Stick with it, people have been doing it for centuries. Blah :)

How come no one tells you that a contraction feels like you have to take the largest most painful poop? Again I will get into this in a later entry but being a week overdue and lactose intolerant I thought I was just having a bad reaction to some ice cream I had. I know contractions are different in every person, some people get back pain, some people get cramps but i never heard it feels like you have to take a dump. I was trying every 4 mins to poop until my mom knocked some sense into me and told me they were contractions. I mean it never occurred to me in the slightest that i was actually having contractions. Thank god for my mom otherwise I would have had once of those toilet babies! 

So there's a lot of crap no one tells you about. I finally get what people mean when they say being a parent is the hardest job. You feel so angry at times and feel like no one understands you when in reality every 2nd person has gone through the same experiences.  just know that pregnancy is a beautiful thing, not for you, but for the life it creates. 

9 months = 2 years

9 months is a long ass time! People always say it goes by so fast but they are just full of straight bs! If you ask me I was pregnant for 2 years. Of course it goes by fast for you because you are not the one with the swollen ankles, ugly stretch marks, pelvic pain and sweet new waddle that makes you feel soo attractive. 

I found out fairly early I was pregnant as my husband and I were "trying"... (More like we tried once and like magic a little seed was growing inside of me). He always said the worst part of getting pregnant was we didn't get to try more :) It was so exciting and I couldn't wait to tell everyone.... Except you can't tell everyone for a LONG time. 

We went to the doctors right away and they didn't even do a pregnancy test... We just had to believe that the 8 tests we took at home were accurate. WTF! I didn't even have an ultrasound until I was 12 weeks along and waiting until then to tell people was excruciating! If you ask me I swear time stops at this point and doesn't progress for months. A simple 3 month span seems like a year and I still had 6 more to go! 

The middle of the pregnancy is uneventful just as everything you read will tell you it's the "golden trimester" all you do is get fatter and fatter and fatter until you look down and can no longer see your vagina.. relax i said VAGINA.. after you have a baby nothing will shock you. 

Then the worst comes. The penguin days of pregnancy. Now I have always been a fan of Penguins, they are so soft, have great personalities, and have the cutest little waddle. Only problem is you do not look or feel cute waddling like a precious little penguin. By now your ankles have probably swollen to the size of your thighs, your chest has been compressed so small, breathing is difficult, and the pelvic pressure is at times unbearable. Those glory days in the beginning where nothing seemed to slow you down are a thing of the past. 

It should be time to have the baby now right? HAHA no way you still have 6 more weeks to go! I've been pregnant for 2 years right? Wrong again! only 7 and a half months.... Ugh Let me tell you those last few weeks are the slowest weeks you will ever face on this earth. Each day will seem like an eternity. It's hard not to sound ungrateful for what you have but why does something so great have to take so long? 

Not to get all mushy and sound like a cliche, but as everyone says it's worth the wait. The second they place that slimy purple bundle of joy in your arms time speeds up and your forget about the pain, waddling, and months it took to get to that single moment in time where you wish time would slow down. 

So when you are getting that right amount of force to ricochet out of bed in those last few months of pain and you realize you have many more endless weeks to go, just know in the long run time is nothing when you are looking at a lifetime of happiness ahead. 9 months or 2 years I would wait forever to be a mom  

See? Mushy!

Mom's arent happy

Mom's aren't happy... it's impossible

By looking at me these days you can totally tell I have this mom thing down. Messy hair, filthy clothes, various fluid smells just emanate from me at any time. Years ago I would have looked at my current self and be disgusted. I could not imagine cleaning up poop off my clothes, or spit up off the floor. The thought of wearing a vomit perfume sent me into a state of panic. Mom's aren't happy. No one wants to look like a mess, no one wants to not be able to take a shower until 1pm, and surely no one wants to give up all of their free time and devote it to a tiny creature who just sleeps, poops, and cries.

Babies aren't fun. For the first few months they are just blobs. They can't even hold their head up! how useless! You lose any sort of sleep pattern when he or she is brought into your house and everything you ever did in the past is now ruled by a tiny 7 pound human. You as the parent are essentially a slave to something that doesn't even have memories yet.

And don't even get me started on the pregnancy! No one enjoys sharing their body with an alien life form for 9 months and growing to be the size of a blimp in the process. Vomiting on a daily basis, and having the sight of certain foods become revolting it's such a Joy (cue sarcasm). And no one tells you about the flatulence that just happens to happen. That's just a situation in itself that is pleasant for all parties involved :)


Miss Charlotte Khaleesi You have no idea how you have ruined me. I haven't slept a full night in over  5 months, I haven't had a day where i didn't have to change my clothes, or a day where I can just have my own schedule and do what I want. But most importantly I haven't had a day where my heart has not felt so full it could burst.

You made me a mom and for that I am not happy. No mom is happy and I stand by that. Happiness doesn't exist anymore as it has evolved into a state of pure bliss that happy just doesn't cover how we feel. Being a mom has given me a new sense of life. And though i will make many many mistakes, the pure elation i get when i look into your eyes will make up for any time I feel I am not good enough for you.

The love I have for you is unimaginable and for that I must say thank you. Thank you for coming into this world and allowing me to feel such affection that I never ever thought I would get to let alone want to feel. If being a mom means never putting myself first again then bring it on! I love my new look and smell because that means I am doing something right.

I am not happy... I'm complete in every way