By looking at me these days you can totally tell I have this mom thing down. Messy hair, filthy clothes, various fluid smells just emanate from me at any time. Years ago I would have looked at my current self and be disgusted. I could not imagine cleaning up poop off my clothes, or spit up off the floor. The thought of wearing a vomit perfume sent me into a state of panic. Mom's aren't happy. No one wants to look like a mess, no one wants to not be able to take a shower until 1pm, and surely no one wants to give up all of their free time and devote it to a tiny creature who just sleeps, poops, and cries.
Babies aren't fun. For the first few months they are just blobs. They can't even hold their head up! how useless! You lose any sort of sleep pattern when he or she is brought into your house and everything you ever did in the past is now ruled by a tiny 7 pound human. You as the parent are essentially a slave to something that doesn't even have memories yet.
And don't even get me started on the pregnancy! No one enjoys sharing their body with an alien life form for 9 months and growing to be the size of a blimp in the process. Vomiting on a daily basis, and having the sight of certain foods become revolting it's such a Joy (cue sarcasm). And no one tells you about the flatulence that just happens to happen. That's just a situation in itself that is pleasant for all parties involved :)
Ignorance!
Miss Charlotte Khaleesi You have no idea how you have ruined me. I haven't slept a full night in over 5 months, I haven't had a day where i didn't have to change my clothes, or a day where I can just have my own schedule and do what I want. But most importantly I haven't had a day where my heart has not felt so full it could burst.
You made me a mom and for that I am not happy. No mom is happy and I stand by that. Happiness doesn't exist anymore as it has evolved into a state of pure bliss that happy just doesn't cover how we feel. Being a mom has given me a new sense of life. And though i will make many many mistakes, the pure elation i get when i look into your eyes will make up for any time I feel I am not good enough for you.
The love I have for you is unimaginable and for that I must say thank you. Thank you for coming into this world and allowing me to feel such affection that I never ever thought I would get to let alone want to feel. If being a mom means never putting myself first again then bring it on! I love my new look and smell because that means I am doing something right.
I am not happy... I'm complete in every way
Holy crap. I just about cried.
ReplyDeletejust about cried? I did cry. I am so HAPPY that you get it, Erienne. This is probably something your mom always told you and you just didn't understand. Now in 20some years when you become a gramma, you will be taken to yet a whole other universe.
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